who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So much Jack, so little girl.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
