i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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