There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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