I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
