Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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