Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
