I think I am morally bankrupt
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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