i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
