My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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