I feel great
I just peed on a car
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
