Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
