Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we made out on top of his cat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
