Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
