And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He felt like a one man threesome
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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