So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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