where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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