she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
