omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
