fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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