turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize