She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
