I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
