haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
