i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
