He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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