4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
