Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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