My Higher Power is John Stamos
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dignity is for republicans.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
