No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
