It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize