you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
