he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
