my sisters under your porch take her home
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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