Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
