if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
