I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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