As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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