She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
