Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
