Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fuck appropriateness.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
