so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
