i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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