the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
