I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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