laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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