what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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