pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
