He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's rum buckets o'clock
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
