tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
