Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Green mimosas i think yes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
