i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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