Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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