Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
