Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize