Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
