Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
