Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
