I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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