the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
