Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
