The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
