My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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