I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
