there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
cat food counts as protein by the way
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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