It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
