She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize