I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
