I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
