We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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