Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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