I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
