Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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