He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize