Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
