I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Me. At least after what I've been through.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
