I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize