The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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