I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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