; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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