If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
