Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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