i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
