Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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