even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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