I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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