It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize