sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
