Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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